Double-sided

Usually things will start off with the usual hey-ho and I've planned out what I want to write here but tonight I'm just going with the flow. Honestly, I don't even have a topic to talk about. I'm just doing this because I'm bored and currently numb to my surroundings. Unable to express things verbally because there's no one to talk to at this hour. Also, no one would listen to me rambling about my ridiculous philosophy on life. Although most of the times, I feel as though I talk way too much that I might not even pay attention to what others are trying to say or saying, even. I've had experiences where someone's talking to me but I couldn't listen to any of the words their saying because my mind was hibernating or something. Idle. People who know me well will know that my attention span lasts as long as the shelf life of a banana.

If I could write a book, I would. But the book will never reach to an end because I'll be writing it halfway and then start a new one. It's hard for me to stay focus on one thing when I have so many things on my mind. At times, there's just so many things that's running through my mind that I start blurting out words and phrases that don't make sense. Then there are times when nothing comes out at all. My mind will ponder on things that are empty. It feels as though my brain is as wide as the Sahara, but there's nothing insight. Sometimes, it is terrifying but I'm learning to adapt to it.

Finals week is starting and it'll go on for about a month or so, I think. But my exam starts on Friday, but I don't feel the need to even flip a couple of pages on my book. Can't lie though, I am scared to death about it. It's my first semester and of course I would want to do well but somehow I'm doing nothing about. It kinda feels okay although it's not. Deep down there are cringing thoughts ringing through my brains and passes through my ear canals. Seriously though, I don't know what's wrong with me. But I'm okay with me. I love me.

As of now, I'm pretty neutral, I guess.